I’m Not a Hugger

I work in Direct Sales. I sell sex toys, I have been doing this for almost 12 years. 95% of those who work for Athena’s Home Novelties, are women. If you have ever done direct sales, or spent a lot of time with women, you realize there is a lot of hugging going on. One of my favorite things about being part of the direct sales industry, is it is extremely recognition based. It’s kind of like being in the Girl Scouts. You get a pat on the back, a great job and some sort of reward for almost all of your efforts. It is the direct opposite to almost any regular job, and the polar opposite of being a stay at home during the day.
Book a party, Good Job! Do a party, you make some money, your guests praise you for a fun night, your support in the company congratulates you for doing a great job.. Recruit someone, certificate. It is extremely recognition based… I will speak of this more another time. This today is about hugging.

If you have ever attended a direct sales meeting, team meeting or something similar. Acknowledgement is very much done by hugging. Now I get it. Hugging is “good for you”. I have read all those wonderful posts…here is one, if you aren’t familiar with them http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5756/10-Reasons-Why-We-Need-at-Least-8-Hugs-a-Day.html
Now this one says we need 8 hugs a day. You could easily meet your months quota attending a meeting. You hug when you greet people, you hug when they receive accolades and you hug to say good bye. It truly is a hug-fest. You leave one of these gatherings feeling amazing, if you read the health benefits you can understand that the hugging may have something to do with it.

Now, I am not a hugger. Not to say that I don’t hug. I lovingly hug my spouse, my children, my parents, close friends (albeit most of my close friends aren’t huggers either). I also hug those I have a connection with, and the hugging has become the norm for us. Here is the big thing. I will hug anyone who initiates a hug. I will, without hesitation, here is why. I have learned over time, that the hug is not about me. It is about them, it is either a gift they are giving me, or something they need. I am happy to receive and give these types of gifts.  If anyone moves towards me and appears to be coming in for a hug, I hug them back. I also am a true hugger, I am not a back-patter. To me a tap on the back during a hug or a flimsy hug is like giving a dead handshake, it’s creepy and unnerving. So when someone moves in for a hug, I hug them right back. The hug they are offering is a sign of caring, a gift, an equal exchange, in such a technologically connected, yet disengaged world, I accept that hug and return the sentiment.

I do have to say, when someone asks first, “Are you a hugger?” I answer honestly, “No, I am not, but I am happy to hug you, if you need one.”  I love hugging my children, all three of them. I do love little ones hugs very much. Especially from my 3 year old. Because soon her arms won’t be so small and her squeezes won’t be so intense. Not that long ago, I asked her to “Come give mommy a hug” and she turned to me and said “I’m not a hugger.”  I laughed, and repeated the request, but she did not budge. That day, she was not a hugger. Mind you, she has never heard me say that “I’m not a hugger.” When those words were said to me, from the lips of my three year old, it only reinforced my belief that the hug is all about the one initiating the hug. I wanted and needed a hug from my 3 yo.  No worries, it didn’t last long. Every once in a while she will pull out her “I’m not a hugger” card and use it strategically. The truth is though, you can’t reason nor explain to a three year old that the hug is a gift from her to me, and right back. Although I considered trying, instead I tickled her and stole the hug all while she laughed and giggled. This though probably wouldn’t go over very well with most adults, so I don’t recommend giving it a try.

Now wherever I am, it does not change the fact that “I am not a hugger”, but I will happily hug you and at times, I will even initiate a hug, when I see that you need one just as much as I do.

One thought on “I’m Not a Hugger

  1. […] “I have learned over time, that the hug is not about me. It is about them, it is either a gift they are giving me, or something they need.” – Linda Norton […]


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